Liam Gallagher Pines For Nothern England

The Hindu Times rocker Liam Gallagher is tired of London and keen to return to his native northern England.

The Oasis singer has been busy recording new material for the band’s upcoming sixth studio album in London but he claims he’s grown sick of the capital and ready to revisit his friends and family in the north.

He says, “I’ve just been so busy in the studio recording new stuff and sometimes London just does your head in and it’s s***. But it makes going back north better in a way. I do miss it. Everything is so far apart here, but I’m going to go and see me mam soon.”

Oasis Brag About Their New Songs

‘The Hindu Times’ fellows, Oasis are bragging that they’ve written another album’s worth of tunes that are the “best songs in the world”.

Although the new album isn’t expected to be recorded or released until next year, it hasn’t stopped the boys biggin’ up their latest ballads.

Predicting that they’ll all be monster hits, Liam told the press “My songs are the best f**king songs in the world. I write the best mother f**ker songs in the world.”

A slightly more modest Noel added “I have got about five songs done, Liam’s got about six, plus Gem’s got a couple.”

Rumoured titles for the tracks include ‘Longer’, ‘Say It’ and ‘The Good Rebel’.

Noel Gallagher Backs Michael Jackson

Oasis singer/songwriter Noel Gallagher has backed Michael Jackson after the documentary on the singer aired last week, causing some controversy.

“Look, any man that has got a fairground in his backgarden and can say to a child, ‘I’m going to build a water park behind that mountain’, well, we all have to give him a round of applause.”

“He seems like a very passionate and caring father so let’s not tear him up.”

He described the Martin Bashir documentary as “typical British effing journalism.”

Oasis’ Noel and Liam Mellowing

Oasis star Noel Gallagher says he is no longer a rock and roll hellraiser since he needs afternoon naps now.

“Getting older does my head in” he says. “It gets to 4pm and I think, ‘Can I get half-an-hour’s kip before dinner?'”

Noel says age is affecting brother Liam, too. “Now he’s 30 the arrogance has all gone” he admits. He was even worried about releasing our next song because it’s the first track he’s written himself.”

Oasis Song To Help Sell Knickers

They once vowed never to sell out to telly ads but now Oasis have done a U-turn and agreed that one of their songs can be used to flog women’s underwear in the States.

The track ‘Hung In A Bad Place’ will feature in a massive ad campaign for the saucy Victoria’s Secret range in New York.

Oasis, who guard the copyright to their songs carefully, are usually fussy about using their music in adverts or cover versions but they have given the green light to allow the song, written by guitarist Gem Archer, to be used to sell bras and knickers.

A pal of the band said “Oasis have seen what ads have done for other bands in the States and so when this offer came up they took it. They haven’t made their mark in the US as they have done in the UK and Europe so maybe this is their way in.”

In June the band’s lawyers ordered the Army to remove ‘Wonderwall’ and ‘Hello’ from a recruitment video or face legal action. Both songs were used without permission from songwriter Noel Gallagher and the Army recalled 300 videos and scrubbed the tracks off.

Oasis’s Noel Does Not Want His Daughter To Listen To Kylie

Oasis star Noel Gallagher says he doesn’t care if his two-year-old daughter Anais eventually decides to go into the music business, as long as she doesn’t listen to Kylie Minogue.

“There are two things she’s banned from doing, following Manchester United and listening to Kylie” Gallagher said.

He admits her daughter doesn’t seem interested in obeying his edict. “The only two words she knows are Kylie and the Beckhams” he said.

The Gallagher Boys And Girls

Liam Gallagher is sueing the People newspaper for reporting that he was unfaithful to his pop paramour Nicole Appleton with an Italian Oasis fan. The paper’s headline read ‘Cheat Liam beds Nicole lookalike!’ But Liam’s spokesman insisted “He’s maintaining he did not sleep with the girl in question and he’s never been unfaithful to Nicole.”

Meanwhile, Noel is having his own love woes, according to the press. He’s been playing ‘Wonderwall’ in concert again, and it’s claimed he wants to get back together with his ex wife, Meg.

Mr Anonymous Source told the paper “Noel has been ringing Meg. He really wants to get back with her and that’s the real reason for his split with Sara.”

Meg, who is believed to have landed a juicy GBP4 million in the divorce settlement, has so far kept mum.

Oasis’ Noel Loses Passport

Noel Gallagher almost blew the start of the Oasis American tour after losing his passport. He realized his passport was missing shortly before he was due to board a flight to the States.

Noel’s blushes were saved when the US embassy pulled out all the stops to get him a working visa almost instantly.

Oasis are due to kick off their north American tour in Fort Lauderdale tonight.

Noel had a spare passport, as is common practice for many bands, which is kept in a safe at the offices of his management company but he had to get another visa to allow the band to play on US soil.

A spokeswoman for Oasis said “These things can take up to six weeks but the staff managed to turn it around in just two hours. Time was against them and they are really grateful to the US Embassy for doing it so quickly. If they hadn’t been so quick, we don’t know what the band would have done. I’m sure they will be dedicating the show to the US embassy tonight.”

Oasis will tour the US before crossing into Canada and then heading on to Japan.

Noel Disses Kylie and Other Pop Crooners

Depending on when you read this write-up, with ‘Heathen Chemistry’ soon to out in shops, Noel is up to his old tricks again and has this time set pop superstar Kylie Minogue firmly in his sights!

Speaking to OK! magazine, the ageing Beatles’ fanatic stormed “Kylie Minogue is just a demonic little idiot as far I’m concerned. She’s been looked after big time. She gets cool dance producers to work with her for some bizarre reason. I don’t know why. She doesn’t even have a good name. It’s a stupid name. Kylie, I just don’t get it.”

Noel has also saved some venom for fellow pop crooners such as Britney Spears, N’Sync, and of course Robbie as well.

“My daughter, Anais started tapping her foot along to Britney,” he says. “Okay, ‘Baby One More Time’ is a classic tune, but she didn’t write it, she just mimed it on telly a few times. I don’t get the full Britney thing. I certainly don’t get the N’Sync thing, the Robbie Williams or the Gorillaz thing. Looks like there’s a lot of things I don’t get.”

‘The Hindu Times’ Rockers Slam US Rock Scene

Noel Gallagher has took a diss at US rock bands, saying it has no soul!

Speaking to recently, the mouthy Beatles fan described the state of the current US rock scene as “as bad as it’s ever been.”

However, one or two bands did escape his wrath. “I think that if we take Black Rebel Motorcycle Club and The Strokes out of the equation, American rock music is as bad as it’s ever been, really,” Noel reasoned, explaining, “There’s a lot of unshaven grown men in shorts with skateboard trainers singing about the blackness of the future. I find it has no soul. They should all have a shave and they should all put on trousers and they should all take their masks off and they should all go and listen to The Beatles and then they should come back and make some proper music.”

Noel also defiantly said that he and his Oasis bandmates had no intention of changing their spots and are still dedicated to producing 100% rock ‘n’ roll.

“We ain’t changing for nobody,” he stormed, reasoning, “If we suddenly went hip-hop and stuff like that, people would just – my fans, I couldn’t even look them in the face again. We believe in rock and roll! Not in the KISS sense, you know, not in a cliched sense. We believe in the power of guitars and amplifiers. That might sound a bit cheesy to people. If you want progression, go listen to Radiohead. But if you want to actually feel your fucking pants flapping, go and see an Oasis show. We believe in it, man, because we’re not fakers. We weren’t faking it in ’94, and we’re not faking it now.”

Oasis are scheduled to release ‘Stop Crying Your Heart Out’ on June 17th, the second single to be yanked from their ‘Heathen Chemistry’ LP, which follows on July 1st.